Thursday, August 18, 2011

Me for Me

odd post title, i know. but okay where do i begin?, i was driving to work and flipped on the radio - Joy FM for all you locals - and JJ Heller's "What Love Really Means" was playing. Her lilting voice and poignant lyrics serenaded my halfhearted-listening ears while I battled nausea/fatigue & weaving in and out of (crazy!) Florida traffic. Worked all day. Walked back to my car in the sweltering heat and again popped on the radio....wouldn't you know...same song, same exact moment of the song when i had turned on the radio this morning! no joke.

"Okay, God, what are you saying", I thought. So i decided to really listen to the lyrics this time. (as you are listening now!) The line, 'me for me' stood out. I began to realize how so much of my life has been taken up in sinfully striving for affection, admiration, applause, accolades (you know, all the A's!! haha!) for 'what i have done' or 'who i will (insert: wish to) become' name it, prettier, stronger, more accomplished, popular, loved, whatever. I tend to see my life as a stack of things i am proud to have 'achieved' (ie. college, career as a teacher, starting my own business, marriage, a baby of my very own on the way) VS things i regret, wish i was better at, feel that i'm lacking in: working out, physical beauty, past mistakes, wrongs done to others, ongoing sin issues, becoming better at MEETING MY GOALS (believe me, i am a type-A, get 'er done, goal-setting kinda gal. nothing wrong with that unless you worship it like i often do), the list goes on and on. the line 'who will love me for me?" flowed from my speakers on the drive home, i kinda slowed the car down, sighed, and then heard a voice inside say...

"I do."

It was Him.

His tender voice.

He accepts me...for me. Even when so often i can't accept myself for me.

I broke down into tears. I'm messed up, inadequate, weak, wandering, sinful, and yeah feeling physically worn down (despite my elation, gratefulness and deep JOY at new life growing inside of me!) and yet, in that moment, I was filled afresh with His sweet presence and knowledge of His abiding LOVE for me.

Really, it's not about me anyway. it's about Him and His love is what makes me whole, beautiful, worthy.

Thank you, Jesus. For fully accepting me as I am and loving me in spite of it...


Daniel and Sarah said...

Congratulations on the pregnancy! How exciting! I was looking for a blog post you had written awhile back about natural make up, etc. What kind are you using and do you like it? Thanks in advance!

Lizzy said...

hi, Sarah! sorry i'm just now getting back with you. hope you get this mssg. honestly, i use an organic tinted moisturizer from Physician's Formula (found pretty much anywhere) and then regular make up. Hoping to use up my current stuff and switch over to either Bare Minerals or Everyday Minerals. both are good but Everyday minerals is slightly more affordable and doesn't contain a chemical that Bare Mineral products have in them. you can also order free samples from Everyday Minerals to try out. hope that helps!!

Lizzy said...

as for skin care, i use Arbonne and Yonka products mainly. oh, and Burt's Bee's lip balm, body lotion, and hand lotion. i love Jojoba oil for my face, especially in winter. just a very light coating works great!